Vixen

I’ve been livin’ on the edge of a broken heart, I don't wanna fall, I don't wanna craaaaaawl…

What? Ah ok, wrong Vixen...

Welcome to the Planet Granath, where the people live in fear, FEAR I tell you, of the dinosaurs that dominate the land. I imagine they were there first, honestly bloody human immigrants; I’m phoning the Daily Mail.

But stop, don’t pack up and leave just yet, as a powerful lone female dressed only in a bikini with big 80s blonde hair will save us. She was abandoned as a child and raised by a pack of foxes. No come back, this was no ordinary bunch of mangy old hounds, they were magical foxes and The Vixen (let’s call her Vicky) is bestowed with mystic powers! You know, that old story.

You may remember this game for the box art and included poster of Page 3 Stunnah Corinne Russell. She was sort of the Sophie Howard of her time, kids. I had the Spectrum version of it originally and seeing it again has brought back memories of hormone charged adolescence. However, I really couldn’t recall the game at all.

It’s not hard to work out why; it’s pretty much a slow Rygar clone with you as the titular character running along whipping baddies and collecting stuff. Vicky can also pick up fox head tokens concealed within hanging pendulous orbs and if you grab enough of them by the end of the level, she will transform into a fox (ah… hence the name Vixen!). This gets you behind the velvet rope into an underground section where there are no enemies and Vicky can collect more bling and trinkets which act as multipliers: increasing scores above ground and makes her whip more powerful. Whip it. Whip it good!

We are once again in the land of Atari ST ports I reckon, so the scrolling is a bit arthritic and graphics whilst far from super shiny, just about get away with it. Vicky herself is nicely animated if a bit of a dog to play with, with some fairly unresponsive controls. This is not helped by the Amiga's single fire button meaning as per usual, pressing up on the stick to jump. Also annoyingly when you fall into the water (which happens a lot) the game plonks you right on the edge of the platform from which you fell, which usually ends up with Vicky accidently taking another bath of death and losing another of her ten lives.

Oddly the leopard skin outfit and high-heels so nicely modeled by Ms. Russell on the box must have been in the wash when it came to the game as Vicky flounces around in a loud blue number with bright red boots. Honestly, she wouldn’t last two minutes in the jungle with that wardrobe: Ray Mears she isn’t. The sound is basic and repetitive but just about bearable with some nice bongos.



It was a fairly uninspiring play back in ’88 and it very much still is. It’s a simple 8-bit game with ideas well above its station. A similar game, 'Shadow of the Beast' released only a year later, is such a huge quantum leap ahead in all aspects making this look like a cave painting. However, it is playable for a short while, nice to pass some time with but far from anything special.

In fact, much like when I 15, I enjoyed looking at the box than playing the game...

Double Dragon

Another day, another scrolling beat 'em up...

Out of every coin-op I have played over the years, Technos’ Double Dragon has taken the most of my money. This wasn’t because of addiction, more down to the machines swallowing my coinage. The cabs were very often beaten up, cracked and cigarette burned. Maybe the more unsavoury players of the game just took out their frustrations on the cabinet. Whatever the cause I certainly wasn’t going up to the change booth to ask the surly, sweaty chain-smoking attendant for my 10p back.



Double Dragon is a two player beat ‘em up with a very familiar storyline. The natty blue clad whup-ass machine Billy Lee and his equally nifty and red garbed brother Jimmy are on a mission to rescue Marian, a woman and not the 1980s gender bending singer. No wait, that was Marilyn... Anyway...



Not only has she been kidnapped by the Black Warriors - a bunch of stereotypical 80s hoodlums last seen in a Death Wish movie, but unfortunately for the poor lady, when she was brutally dragged away by the gang she flashed her knickers towards the camera, oh how embarrassing, Heat Magazine will have a field day!

Bill and Jim hope to get her back by renting a church basement and arranging a coffee morning, a sponsored walk and a cake stall, to show the gang that a life of crime is not the way. No of course they don’t, they travel through four stages to reach the seemingly well signposted hideout of the gang's leader Willy and rescue Marian. Yes, he’s called Willy. Now there’s a name that instills fear and respect, maybe that’s why he is armed to the teeth with a machine gun. At the end if both brothers are still alive, they will fight each other to the death to determine who will win the lady's affection. What a lucky girl, it’s like Blind Date with roundhouse kicks.



Sadly time has not been kind at all to the Dragon on the Amiga. The game starts off promising with the familiar twin dragon logo, but once the game starts it all quickly goes knockers skyward. If you were after the vaguely titillating pantie shot described earlier forget it, it isn't there. It's a 1989 vintage, therefore a fairly early Amiga game and probably a port from the contemporary yet slightly less powerful Atari ST, but that is no excuse. The graphics are jerky and sluggish with some horrendous slowdown. And ye gods, just look at them: they look like serial killer clown paintings. And the sound? It is appalling, yet mercilessly sparse with no music and for some reason comedy puking noises when the male baddies snuff it and rodent squeaks when the ladies join the choir invisible. Turn the volume right down or sellotape a big cushion around your head to cover your lugs: you'll be so glad you did.



The game is very hard work with many cruel and frustrating moments. You will soon tire of its unresponsive controls, sluggish pace and repetition. It has the longevity of Lady GaGa's career. There are much better scrolling beaters out there for you to enjoy: Final Fight for example.

Final Fight

Jessica, the daughter of recently elected, impressively mustachioed and incorruptible Mayor of Metro City Mike Haggar, was
shopping in the Slumsville Mall: what could possibly go wrong? After leaving the centre with the latest Heat Magazine, an ankle chain and a really nice pair of jeans that made her backside look really great, the daffy bint was kidnapped by notorious local hoodlums, The Mad Gear Gang.



The police were as much good as an ashtray on a motorbike and the reconstruction on Crimewatch, whilst suitably over-the-top and impressively acted, unfortunately didn’t bring up any leads. So Mike did what any concerned father, former street fighter and holder of the office of Mayor would do: he strips to the waist, drafts in Jess’s boyfriend and his equally tasty-in-a-fight mate and sets off to get her back. Our Mike is not in the mood for talking: negotiation is not an option for this man. No, the only language this human detritus understands is a weapons-grade­­ ass kicking. He aims to get his kid back by beating several shades of stuffing out of every person they meet on the way, who luckily all are card carrying members of the Mad Gears, using fists, feet, weapons and avant garde dancing.

Welcome to Capcom’s Final Fight, released in 1990.



The Amiga puts up a good fight, squeezing all of the game, characters, some passable music and beefy sound effects on two lowly little floppy disks. It retains the two player game too making this a seemingly impossible exercise in optimising: it’s more tightly packed than Keeley Hazell’s swimsuit. The game’s been simplified in places and the pedantic will notice that some of the attack patterns of the enemies are different, but it’s still a very respectable conversion and a great game.