Out of every coin-op I have played over the years, Technos’ Double Dragon has taken the most of my money. This wasn’t because of addiction, more down to the machines swallowing my coinage. The cabs were very often beaten up, cracked and cigarette burned. Maybe the more unsavoury players of the game just took out their frustrations on the cabinet. Whatever the cause I certainly wasn’t going up to the change booth to ask the surly, sweaty chain-smoking attendant for my 10p back.
Double Dragon is a two player beat ‘em up with a very familiar storyline. The natty blue clad whup-ass machine Billy Lee and his equally nifty and red garbed brother Jimmy are on a mission to rescue Marian, a woman and not the 1980s gender bending singer. No wait, that was Marilyn... Anyway...
Not only has she been kidnapped by the Black Warriors - a bunch of stereotypical 80s hoodlums last seen in a Death Wish movie, but unfortunately for the poor lady, when she was brutally dragged away by the gang she flashed her knickers towards the camera, oh how embarrassing, Heat Magazine will have a field day!
Bill and Jim hope to get her back by renting a church basement and arranging a coffee morning, a sponsored walk and a cake stall, to show the gang that a life of crime is not the way. No of course they don’t, they travel through four stages to reach the seemingly well signposted hideout of the gang's leader Willy and rescue Marian. Yes, he’s called Willy. Now there’s a name that instills fear and respect, maybe that’s why he is armed to the teeth with a machine gun. At the end if both brothers are still alive, they will fight each other to the death to determine who will win the lady's affection. What a lucky girl, it’s like Blind Date with roundhouse kicks.
Sadly time has not been kind at all to the Dragon on the Amiga. The game starts off promising with the familiar twin dragon logo, but once the game starts it all quickly goes knockers skyward. If you were after the vaguely titillating pantie shot described earlier forget it, it isn't there. It's a 1989 vintage, therefore a fairly early Amiga game and probably a port from the contemporary yet slightly less powerful Atari ST, but that is no excuse. The graphics are jerky and sluggish with some horrendous slowdown. And ye gods, just look at them: they look like serial killer clown paintings. And the sound? It is appalling, yet mercilessly sparse with no music and for some reason comedy puking noises when the male baddies snuff it and rodent squeaks when the ladies join the choir invisible. Turn the volume right down or sellotape a big cushion around your head to cover your lugs: you'll be so glad you did.
The game is very hard work with many cruel and frustrating moments. You will soon tire of its unresponsive controls, sluggish pace and repetition. It has the longevity of Lady GaGa's career. There are much better scrolling beaters out there for you to enjoy: Final Fight for example.
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